


Cigarette Burns

by LisaFQueen



Series: Project Tyler [2]
Category: Fight Club (1999), Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 18:21:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8337946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaFQueen/pseuds/LisaFQueen
Summary: The narrator talks about Tyler and Marla, and how he is grateful for both. Sometimes.





	

I hated him. With his loud noises, making Marla scream so the sound's even louder.

What in the world does he do anyway to get her like that? Fucking rabbits.

 

I sometimes envy Tyler.

 

What if he puts me out of the house? I'll be homeless, and friendless. 

Except for Marla. The big tourist. Invading my support groups, then my home and now she's taking Tyler away from me.

 

This isn't okay at all, I don't feel okay. But I don't say anything about it, to the both of them.

At least I'm feeling something.

 

Before I met Tyler, I felt numb and motionless. Like nothing I did mattered, like no one even cares.

Depression isn't as devastating as people think. Most people think you feel constant pain

or sadness. This isn't true at all. 

You literally feel nothing, and if you do have the privilege of feeling something, it's the whole in your chest.

Just an empty hole, sucking up all of your energy. Sometimes, if I sat still enough, I could feel my hole body go numb, along with my mind.

If you're having a depression long enough, you've forgotten what it feels like to be happy or alive. But even if you have a hint of it still in your life,

whether it is your hobby or your designer stuff, it won't last long enough to stay with you. Depression feels like you'll never be happy again. 

I say _feels_ but, well, you get the idea. 

This isn't the worst thing that can happen. 

Because, as Tyler puts it, what has to go up has to come down.

Maybe it works both ways. What has come down so greatly it hit bottom, 

has to go up so high it hits oblivion.

 

Probably the same oblivion Marla is experiencing right now, because her voice pitches. Because of Tyler. 

This isn't fair. 

 _I_ should be the one hitting oblivion by now. Not Marla, the clothes-stealing, cigarette-smoking, home-invading bitch. 

 

I wonder what Tyler sees in her. She's definitely not the best lady to walk around the streets.  So why her? Why did he have to save her?

He saved me too, but in a different way.

 

Because of Tyler, I feel alive again. When he hit me for the first time, the sharp pain choking my whole system, 

that's when I realized I had been asleep all my life. 

 

But now, one year later, it seems like he's forgotten all about me.

 

That's why I hate him so much. He gave me attention, brought me back to life and now he's taken away from me.

 

He let himself be taken away.

It's not fair.

 

 _I_ was here first,  _I_ was best friends with Tyler and  _I_ was his.

 

Or that's what he taught me.

I didn't do anything without his permission. I wasn't like one of his space monkeys, but I would be if that's what he asked of me.

We really were best friends, and look now.

 

I bet he'd prefer Angel Face instead of me. He was pretty, before I took my rage out on him.

 

But he wasn't the problem in this, Marla was. Or maybe it was Tyler himself.

 

As long as I'm stuck here, between two people I hate and love I can't do anything.

Just watch.

 

As if I'm asleep.


End file.
